Santa Gets Cucked: Mrs. Claus Needs a Snow Plow!

 Santa Gets Cucked.

Although the North Pole’s most famous couple may seem like a 24/7 Hallmark movie, I assure you it’s not. For one thing, Santa is fat. Everyone says he’s jolly, but we all know he’s just a heffer in a red suit. It’s ok, no shame in that, but Mrs. Claus is a fucking smokeshow. The movies always cut her out to be “jolly” herself, but the only things jiggling are those ( • )( • ). Last week, she really had had enough. She walked into the dining room after a long day teaching the Elves, only to find him passed out, in a puddle of eggnog, after devouring an entire ham. He had always been one to overdo it, but this was the final straw, or the final ham, if you will. This is how Santa Gets Cucked.

Saint Nick Was No Goddamn Saint, Either.

Gluttonous, lazy, and a narcissist.  How could he be lazy when he delivers all the presents in the world in one day, you may ask? IT’S ONE DAY. THAT’S IT. He’s hamming out the rest of the days. He is literally wheeled around… in a wheelchair. Not because he needs to be, but because he can. If he wants to spend his life porking it up and washing it all down with canned pineapples and cherries, then fine. But, this is how Santa gets cucked. It really becomes less of a shocker when you find out what a loser he is. Half the time, he’s asleep when Mrs. Claus is giving her weekly North Pole Meetings. She really is a woman of so many talents, and he can’t even find a moment to open his mouth to contribute. His mouth is only for the ham. What a monster.

Still Wondering How Santa Gets Cucked?

Mrs. Claus went out for her usual 5-mile walk. She liked to clear her mind. She especially liked how the open space and fresh air helped cleanse her of the images of her disgusting pig husband. It was really difficult, though. She was so fed up, she walked farther and farther, going to areas she had never been. 15 miles in, she stopped. She found a nearby cave and went right on in. Mrs. Claus cozied up in her cape after making a warm fire. She began to drift off when she heard “RRrrrrrrr AGH…ohhh.” She sat up in shock. First afraid, and then a big smile came across her face. “Come with me,” She said. And so deep into the night she arrived home. After waking the PIG, she wheeled him to the reindeer stable. When the doors opened, so did his mouth.

In Front of His Face Was The Big, Bad, Abominable…

COCK! And in it went. “Fluff away, fat boy! Santa Gets Cucked. Ha ha ha ha ha!” After the fluffing was complete, she jumped right on. The Elves began to sing their song, usually used for the assembly line. This felt appropriate. “Roll me away!” He begged and wept. No one cared. He had a boner, but unfortunately, couldn’t reach it. The ham had lubricated his fingers. What a waste of lube. Maybe this will teach him not to be such a slob.  He cried as he shoved hidden snacks from his pockets into his mouth, until finally, he choked. He did not learn a lesson, after all.  As his final moments arrived, so did Mrs. Claus. She rocketed off that big, beautiful, abominable dick. All hail the new King! THE SNOWMAN DOES PLOWETH! Check out last week’s blog – A Christmas Eve Orgy.  Read with the naughtiest Intentions!

Like sexy fiction?

Like mean girls?

Want to hear how the Abominable does it?

Is so, be sure to…

Call Me 1-888-893-6396