Boy, is it hot! Things have been miserable all summer, and it’s all thanks to these huge, hot aliens that are poking their heads through our Ozone! They are wild, relentless, and only care about having a good time, no matter how much damage they cause. No matter what we do, we just can’t get rid of these bitches! They think they are so hilarious, hanging off the sides of their ships and peering in to giggle at all of the tiny men running around Earth with their tiny sweat glands. When will it end? The harm they have wreaked across the planet has affected us all. It’s time these big ole’ ladies pay! Watch out for the Giantess Heat Wave!
I swear, there was an article a few weeks ago that showed satellite images of one of them holding a giant magnifying glass in front of the sun! When questioned by an astronaut reporter, she said, “I was just trying to have a good time. Everyone on Earth is so lame. Except Parker Posey…she’s our hero. Now fry like bacon, you human piggies! Hahaha ha hahaa.” The Giantess Heat Wave had no end in sight. The ladies were bullies. After the giant magnifying glass incident, the “pranks” just kept on coming. After that was the flaming comet pixie dust party. Unlike cooking in a kitchen, a sprinkle of that hot shit went more than a long way. It literally killed Florida.
For all of us. Luckily, these big titty hoes got greedy. They watched one too many reruns of Jackass and thought they could pull off the prank of all pranks. They were fucking wrong. Their leader, Lonnie, or as they liked to call her, Lonnie Knockersville, got the nerve to come down to Earth. They all like to brag to each other that they’ve been to Earth, but none of them have done more than dip their toes off the coast of Ft. Lauderdale while nice and safe, cruising on their space surfboards. Anyway, the prank. Lonnie thought it would be hilarious to finally jump in and scare the shit out of everyone. It worked! However, it brought a very dramatic ending to the…
Lonnie made such a splash that it cooled the entire planet. She would have caused a tsunami, except she was so scoldingly hot when she came through the atmosphere that when she landed in the ocean, it was like a nuclear humidifier. It acted like a sort of nice dewy layer, even for the driest parts of the world. And unfortunately for Ms. Knockersville, her squad of broads took off, leaving her to swim alone. She wasn’t a big fan of seafood; every once in a while, a giant hand is spotted all across the beaches of the world. Her favorite snack seems to be men, all alone, in the sand. So watch out, you might be lunch soon enough! Enjoy science fiction? Check out last week’s entry, AI Sex Bot. Interested in fantasy phone sex?
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