Giant One-Eyed Monster: Don’t Make Me Dash on Your Ding Dong!

Giant One-Eyed Monster.

One thing I don’t want this Halloween is the “laffy taffy” of the neighborhood if you will. If I’m going out to be a trick, there better be a treat in order, and no skimping. I want a load of goodies to fill me up! It is the season of giving, after all, so lay the sugar on me, over me, next to me, and don’t be stingy with it. If you have a gobstopper of epic proportions, send me your address and I’ll ring that bell. I have all types of costumes I’ll wear for the right guy. All I ask is that you have what it takes to satisfy my sweet tooth. If you don’t, there will be a load of humiliation headed your way! And when I finally do find the perfect peen, you’ll watch as I give all my lovin’ to that giant one-eyed monster!

Stocking Stuffers Are For Christmas.

When you drop those drawers, there should be a few things that happen. First things first, it should be hard for those pants to come off. I mean, if it’s big enough, there will be some tugging by you before there is tugging by me. Secondly, my pupils should dilate like the first time I saw a big-ass rainbow twisty at Disney World. Third, I want goosebumps. The kind of goosebumps that only a giant one-eyed monster can deliver. I want to shudder, like I’m binge-watching horror movies and I’m reaching for something to keep me company. Last but not least, you should make me squirm like Reese Witherspoon in the movie Fear. Yeah, the rollercoaster scene. If you aren’t familiar, it’s time to google. Also, you might want to grab your lotion from your bedside table. We all know how this time of year dries out your “hands.”

A Giant One-Eyed Monster Doesn’t Need a Costume.

They are naturally entertaining. Some of you smaller fellas need a few gimmicks, a.k.a. money, to get a little release. We want the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, not your pathetic butter-NOT squash, lil’ guy. You can still be used as entertainment, it will just be a new act for you. A new routine that you will learn to love, because well, you won’t have any other choice, ya dumb bitch! Now sit in your corner and wait for your treat while wearing your dunce cap. If you want to be seen, you’ll just have to be the laughing stock and take the humiliation, one trick at a time, little ween. Nature is a beast, but what can you do? Just relearn your ABCs. Alpha, (that’s him) Beta, (that’s you,) Cuckold, (Oops, that’s you too!)

And Then We Did The Monster Mash, and The Giant One-Eyed Monster Met His Match.

AND It was a midnight smash, and a morning smash, and well, an afternoon delight! I don’t know why I’m telling you, you were there! You looked that giant one-eyed monster right in the eye and begged for mercy! It was a true tale of a Shrunken Man Halloween! Don’t worry darlin’, we’ll give you other responsibilities. There is always clean up, dress up, sit down, bend over…Oh, and I’ll take a pumpkin spice latte too. Just bring it over when you hear the song “Mr. Sandman, bring me a drink!”

It’s time to talk to your wicked bitch of the West!

Are you scared of the Giant One-Eyed Monster?!?

If so, be sure to…

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