“Repent and confess your sins to God. Ask God to forgive you” Matthew 5:27-30. Jesus spoke against having lustful thoughts and then said “ If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away” That is what my priest told me the Sunday the first time I masturbated and I had gone to confession before mass.
I thought that I had to cut off my hand. Oh jeez! What a silly thing to even think about. Of course, I was feeling scared and guilty for what I have done. Growing up in a Catholic home and with a father that was a Deacon was not an easy thing to do. I remember the night before I had gone into my parent’s room scared that there was someone outside my window. It was just a broken branch hitting the window pane.
When I entered their room that night I saw my dad masturbating my mother with the tip of his cock. All I heard was my mom moaning and praying to God about how good it felt. I guess that made an impression because after they abruptly covered themselves with the blanket they walked me to my room and assured me I was safe and to try and relax and get some sleep.
Well, I did relax a lot! I kept thinking about how happy Mom and Dad were when they were playing. I did not think anything bad about it. Of course, I did not understand what I saw. I was just curious what the big deal was. So being a very curious girl I started touching my bald mound over my pink panties that said Saturday on my backside. My fingers massaged between my lips but nothing happened.
So, I grabbed my favorite teddy bear Mr. Fluffy and started rubbing his shiny rubber nose on my panties and that felt way different. I noticed that I had a wet spot and then freaked out because I thought I had peed. So I took my panties off and went to get a new pair but something popped in my head and I decided to rub Mr. Fluffy against my bare bald pussy and that did it! Then I remember I started humming the teddy bear and the edge of the bed and at some point everything went dark I felt so tired and sleepy.
I’d lie there, flushed and shamed, I would promise myself I would never do it again. I would kneel and pray to Jesus and promise that was the last time. But that feeling would melt away until the next night and I would say FUCK IT I am going to hell anyways! When my Deacon father found out that my first time masturbating wasn’t the last time he of course tried to break me of my sin, but I blossomed into who I am today. Just a very sex-hungry cum craving Catholic girl that believes that with every orgasm I get closer to GOD.
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