Every Friday I wait patiently outside the medical building in my neighborhood. There is always a new wave of patients starting Ozempic. They like to start on the weekend so they can get the hang of it by the time they go back to work on Monday. What they don’t know about this batch, is that I mix in a little of my own Giantess elixir. They wanted to get small, right? Well, they are about to get tiny! The ladies, of course, I will bring back to life-size, but my little guys are staying little. I know they wanted to shed the fat, but I like them a little plump. My little juicy dumplings. How cute! How yummy! I need to fill my tummy! Winter is coming in just a few months! I’ll be making my Ozempic Shrunken Man shopping runs until I get my fill!
I love variety! Every cuisine, I mean culture, you can think of, exists in Chi-town. Pick a flavor, we’ve got you covered. Even though my diet consists of, well, mostly smaller portions, I’m happy to be surrounded by endless award-winning food. I mean, it’s probably why they are on these meds in the first place right? It’s no wonder people wear shorts when it’s 40 degrees! Look at all that blubber! My Ozempic Shrunken Man is my perfect man! Finish that deep dish baby! I know you had two dogs at Wrigley earlier. No one is counting! This invention has made my life so much easier! Before I had to talk to them! Every night I’d go to a bar and chat up the guy on his second plate of fried cheese curds and now I just wait in the car! F-U Uber Eats!
Let me try to make a little comparison so everyone can see how great my life is now. Imagine you go to a supermarket parking lot and without paying, all of the groceries you’ve ever wanted walk to your car. Then you get home and someone cooks or prepares all of your meals! Remember when I said I made the ladies’ life-size again? Hee hee. I didn’t say they went home! My life is awesome now. Thank you, America for making everyone fat and while making their lives miserable, making mine perfect. I have my own drive-through now. Who needs french fries when I have a basket of BITE SIZE BROS. Hey bros, let’s fucking go! As you love to say while watching football and eating wings. Now you’re a wing, baby.
Then head this way! I’m a first-class femme fatale and you’ll never see it coming. More likely, you won’t care until you do! Food is no longer satisfying you and so you are most likely bored. I can fix that! Also, before dinner (ahem,) I like to chase you around my house. You can finally know what it’s like to exercise! You will run and run and before you know it I will pick you up by your pudgy troll belly and squish you between my fingers like a squeaky toy. Oh, you will be squeaking. We can make a little song, squeak, squeak squeak, cha, squeak squeak squeak, “Wait, no DON’T”- CRUNCH.
I offer the best fantasy phone sex, wanna play with me tiny?
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