The Abominable Snow Queen: It’s Cold and She’s Hungry!

The Abominable Snow Queen.

Abigail was a beautiful young woman who was constantly fawned over.  Men often asked her out on dates and she always said yes, but it wasn’t because she was a romantic. She just loved to eat. I’m not talking pizzas and pasta, but seafood extravaganzas. Lobster, crab, sushi, and oyster towers galore. The men had no problem paying because they would buy just about anything for a chance in bed with her. When it came time for that, she just moved on to the next guy willing to fund her netting-of-the-ocean appetite. She went to the doctor and he said ‘You’re eating way too much Mercury! It’s going to affect your central nervous system.” Abigail stormed out of the office, to her car, and sped off. She had a lead foot. Luckily for her, she didn’t get sick, she just became, The Abominable Snow Queen.

Her Appetite Was Insatiable.

She grew and grew, and had to invite her dates over! Be seen in public? I think not! She would be taken to a lab and analyzed! Sometimes it was Uber Eats or DoorDash. Sometimes she just had them bring things over from a list.  A very long, expensive list.  Unfortunately, for one date, she got a little overzealous as she was shoving the 8th dozen oysters into her mouth. She ate the shell and all at this point. Her teeth could crush cars. Her date raised a hand to enjoy only his second oyster and her mouth clamped down on more than shellfish. The future abominable snow queen was having her first taste for “More.” It wasn’t something she could order online through an app. But actually, it was. Move over GrubHub, Tinder is taking over!

The Abominable Snow Queen Of Chicago Had to Make a Plan.

She knew the cops were onto her. All of these men are disappearing after going to her house! Luckily for Abigail, she targeted a lot of rich Gen Z guys who cut ties with their people. But unfortunately for Abigail, their Instagram fans did wonder where they were! Finally, the cops caught up with the rest of the internet and surrounded her house. They kicked the doors down and came rushing in to find…nothing. She was gone without a trace. They found a hole in the yard and suspected it was her dates, but…nothing, again. They didn’t look hard enough because the hole was indeed her escape. She dug her way through the earth, the lakes, the oceans. She was unstoppable. 

The Abominable Snow Queen Made Her Way to Her New Home, Siberia.

Along her journey there, she ran into many fishermen. She took their catch, along with their poles, bait, and well the fisherman themselves! The Lochness Monster had nothing on Abigail! They knew she was too big to be a mermaid, but they were mesmerized by her beauty nonetheless. By the time she found her cave in icy Russia, She had fashioned a warm coat, from all of the clothes of all the men she had robbed (to say the least) along the way. It was like a Dolly Parton song! Nonetheless, she was in heaven! Finally, everything was at her fingertips! Caviar (The best in the world,) Trout, Salmon, and crustaceans galore! But The Hungry Giantess Hadn’t Had Her Fill!

The ice fisherman would set up shop and work for weeks, only for the Abominable Snow Queen to take it all and let their belongings slide through the ice. It would reseal like they never arrived in the first place. As a result, she moved along from one icy town to the next. A woman, a myth, a legend, and a hungry lady. Would she get bored of the snow? Find her way to a warmer climate. Perhaps she could capsize a cruise ship! It would provide both food and shelter! They always say go on a cruise if you want a buffet!  She wasn’t there to play games! She was there to eat! Where will Abigail go next? Or should you be the one to decide?

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