Blarney Mc’Diddler is back, and he is not the same lil ol’ fiddlin’ leprechaun we all knew and loved. Blarney went off to prison after his 15 minutes of fame on TikTok were up. For those of you who remember, he got, well, a little handsy. Now, those hands, aren’t so little! He pumped major iron while he was locked up in the joint. He just had to hit up some of his hussies from Gumars to smuggle in some steroids. Blarney went from being the size of an American Girl Doll, to a medium-sized Horse Jockey. Psh, and people were impressed with Christian Bale going from 120 lbs to Batman! Batman has nothing on BLARNEY. Anyway, his 11 months were up, and he’s back better than ever. Now, Blarney goes by The Jolly Green Giant.
He didn’t get out on good behavior. Blarney was a rat. He befriended a bunch of the prisoners, but he wasn’t their friend. The dum dums were fucked while some were smarter. Some of the prisoners never let anyone get too close, not even a lil’ cutie like Blarney. He knew he needed to get the hell out of dodge before the guys on the outside caught up with him after what he did to their dum dum friends.. He knew it was a bozo move ratting those guys out, but he was desperate! Jolly Green Giant wasn’t built for prison! He had artist hands. Hands for widdling, and fiddling, and…diddling sometimes. He knew he couldn’t turn to his old mob crew, and TikTok had failed him. He decided on Chicago. It was far enough away and St.Padddy’s was just around the corner. He would blend in seamlessly!
He felt relieved. Kind of. He knew a Guinness and a shot of Jameson would calm him down. After wandering around in the cold, he finally decided on a bar. He popped in early in the evening and grabbed a stool before the onslaught on green-beer guzzling patrons would make their way in. He closed his eyes and started thinking about the incredible journey he’d been on. How he went from Ireland to Jersey, made friends, made enemies, did time, and thought “Everything’s going to be alright.” He was thinking about…”No sleeping at the fuckin’ bar, PAL,” The bartender said, loudly, pulling Blarney back into reality. He started to explain himself, but the clock hit 7 and the fiends came in like a typhoon.
Not just any alcoholics, but CHICAGO alcoholics. Blarney lost his balance. His tiny bum was no longer on his seat. Lost in the sea of legs and green tights, Irish whiskey hit him like a Tsunami. Grenades of corned beef and cabbage fell through and hit him left and right, followed by Bangers and Mash bombs, blinding him. Finally, the Guinness he once held so dearly to his heart now dragged him in a river through the pool table legs, where he met his fate, drowning in a shepherd’s pie. The Tik Tok Leprechaun was finally gone forever. Most will not remember him. There will be no real memory of him. Occasionally, there will be the accidental click, somewhere in the interwebs. But, mainly nothing. Rest Blarney. Dream your dirty thoughts. You’ll always be Mc’Diddler to me! For now, Happy Saint Paddy’s Day You Bozos!
I’m looking for my little, Jolly Green Giant.
Looking for your Giantess this big green weekend?
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