Ready to resurrect your cock for the weekend? Well, this blog may provide more than just a few tips. And no, I don’t mean the tips of that prickly crown of thorns, ouch! Hee hee, do you see where this is going? We are about to get dark and blasphemous, so if your faithful little heart can’t take it, now would be a good time to GET LOST. If you are a good Christian boy, maybe reading this will turn you on, despite your wife being a starfish in bed while you do missionary once a week on Wednesdays, but not Holy Wednesday of course, Judas! It’s all for giggles until someone gets crucified. Am I right? Anywho, let’s turn this long weekend into sexy apocalypse gang bangs and getting pegged with bobblehead Jesus figurines. Let’s make it fun, make it wild, it’s Fucking Easter Sunday.
Simple religious man, do you think you have no freak friends? You guys are the biggest closeted freaks of all! The church isn’t going to have service all day and night. Is it? I think not! You have access to one of the best untapped (not so underground) sex clubs of all time. It’s right at your fingertips! You all have stared out the church windows during service and sat bored on the pews, dreaming of a blowjob. Well, It’s Fucking Easter Sunday, and now is your chance. If you think Jesus made a comeback after he rose again, well you can too. There is no need for soft-cock-inducing sermons on this day. I say you opt for hard-ons and get to fucking on top of Bibles. Eh, that sounds uncomfortable. How about you rip out the pages and have a naked bonfire outside instead?
You have the spot, you have your freak friends, and now you’ve got a sexy swingers club! I mean, cults have been doing it for eons, so just be like them for one weekend, loser. Since you are desecrating the church you might as well do some really unusual (you would call it bad) stuff. Get drunk off of communion wine and suck a dick or two perhaps. Sounds like a ball! Yes, also don’t forget the balls! Never forget the balls. BALLS. UNWED FORNICATION. This might also be a good opportunity for you to dabble in the art of cursing. Not the little secretive cursing you do and then pray for forgiveness. It’s time for you to say FUCK GOD, while you pound her on the organs. How dramatic! I love it.
Make this day one to never forget, and not because of your savior. Renounce your religion for one goddamn day. So remember, fuck everyone, eat all the wafers you can fit into your mouth, steal thy neighbor‘s wife, don’t clean your mess, cause total chaos, wish you were fucking as good as the guy next to you, and run outside naked with a cross on your back.
Feel like getting blasphemous?
Want to celebrate Easter fucking Sunday?
If so, be sure to…
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