Oh, ho, ho, how Mrs. Claus loves her elves! Ever wondered how they came about? Well, it all started many years ago. Mr. and Mrs. Claus decided to create a little start-up! Mrs. Claus of course came up with the concept “Let’s give presents to everyone on Earth!” Santa, notoriously lazy and quite sexist, said “That’s a great idea, you better get to work lady!” Mrs. Claus did not like the idea of spending day and night working on all these gifts. Angry after her husband’s ridiculous remark, she decided that she’ll let other men do the heavy lifting! She just needed a lot of them. Hmmm, but where would they sleep? Their tiny flat at the north pole wouldn’t suffice. A sparkling light went off in her head and became the most brilliant plan to ever exist. It would have to be a Merry Shrunken Christmas!
Well, although their house was a little one, they had plenty of real estate! The North Pole was all for them, and whomever they decided would be part of this new tradition. They would just need some builders, supplies, materials, and money! Well, Mrs. Claus had it all planned out. She would go into a highly populated area, lure men back to the soon-to-be workshop, and make them, well, a bit smaller. It wouldn’t be a Merry Shrunken Christmas if she didn’t! She had a few tricks up her sleeve. Her grandmother had passed down a few recipes that would cause the mere mortal complete bewilderment. All she needed was to collect some ingredients in order to batch up her special brew! Wee juniper berries, tiny twigs, pocket-sized pinecones, and fucking figgy pudding!
This sounds almost like it could be a Giantess Halloween Party with how witchy it’s getting! Just a little drop of the potion and it’s down the hatch when it’s in a nice pour of whiskey. She filled up her bag with elves and off she went! She had to wait for her ride though, the sleigh, and eight not-so-tiny reindeer of course! Once back at her cozy modest home, she put her elves to work. All of this just to bring joy to the world? Well, not so much. Mrs. Claus wanted the workshop of course, but she had her own Christmas list that could last a lifetime. Many lifetimes in her case. She wanted a mansion built! In that mansion, many fireplaces to keep warm, a bar to fit all of her potions and elixirs, and a hot tub to relax after a day with her annoying husband!
In order for it to be a Merry Shrunken Christmas, they would need to build and build fast. But just her home wouldn’t do. What good would all that be without a greenhouse to grow all of her ingredients in the brash weather of the North Pole? The finest linens to lay on after a hard day’s work? She needed her art studio to design new gifts and trinkets! The list would always go on, and oh ho, ho, many trips she would take. So just remember this holiday season, when you’re out at a bar, that sweet jolly blonde may be ready to put you to work!
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