I Love Her But I Feel Trapped

You love your relationship. You love her.

You can’t imagine your day-to-day without her. But what else comes with that? What are the compromises? You love her, but you feel trapped. In what ways?  Can you go somewhere without telling her? Does she go through your phone? How often do you have to check in with her? Even when she knows where you are, I bet you still have to let her keep tabs on you. Is that how it goes?

You love her, but you feel trapped by her rules. And they’re rules that she never laid out for you. They crept up on you one by one over the years. Suddenly, you couldn’t go out on Fridays. Then you couldn’t go out on the weekends at all. Then she was mad when you were texting your friends too often. And what does “too often” even mean? Now you find yourself texting them alone in the bathroom. And your messages have been reduced to saying sorry that you can’t go out.

Sorry, you can’t.

What would things be like if she weren’t in your life?  Go ahead, break up with her. It’s probably worth it. Sure, you love her. But you feel trapped! As a result, you might go out places a couple of times a week. You might meet more people. You might see the people you already know and reconnect with them.

Meanwhile, you would come home to an empty house. You would eat alone. You would go to bed alone. No one would help you with the housework. No one would do the things that you’re bad at, like keeping the plants alive and cleaning the floors. She would take so many things with her, like her art on the walls and the dog that you know is hers.

Then what? You love her.

On the other hand, she doesn’t just check up on you in those ways. She checks up on you around the house, too. She asks whether you’ve showered and brushed your teeth. This is why you love her, but you feel trapped by her presence.

Do you love her? Of course you do. Maybe the real question is, do you like her? Well. You hang out with her all the time. She’s pretty much the only person you hang out with. She knows everything about you. so much so that she orders for you when you get food. You speak for yourself less and less. Is that why you feel trapped? Are you not speaking for yourself because she has so much control? She knows all your passwords. She controls all the money and the bills. You’re not even sure what bills you have anymore.

You are so small. You feel trapped.

It would be easy to end things with her. She doesn’t feel trapped. She has places to go and resources if she needs them. Most importantly, she’s emotionally and mentally resourceful. For example, if you asked her to leave and told her things were over, you’re not sure you would ever see her again. Does she care so little about your relationship that as soon as she has no use for you anymore, she would just up and leave?

You can’t handle that. You’re so pathetic. Maybe that’s why you love her so much. She’s so strong. She can stand on her own, but she chooses to stand with you, even though she gives you so many rules, so you feel trapped. That’s how she shows she loves you. Right? However, you wish there weren’t so many rules. You love her, but you feel trapped.

Just start accepting her for who she is. This is your fate. What would you do with someone different than her? You wouldn’t even know how to handle it. At least with her, she’s in charge. She knows what she’s doing. You never knew what you were doing. It’s so comforting to know that she has it all handled. If you ever needed to know anything, she’ll tell you.

I love her, but I feel trapped

Is feeling trapped worse than feeling out of control? At least you love her. You’ve loved her since the first time with her. What if you hated her? There are worse things than being with someone who controls every move you make and wants to see your phone once in a while. She treats you so well. Don’t you feel taken care of?

And in that way, you love feeling trapped. You don’t just love her. You love the way she makes you feel trapped. It’s like a hug that’s a little too tight, but doesn’t kill you. Who doesn’t like hugs? The alternative is no hug at all.

Honestly, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

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