Spontaneous Human Cum-Bustion: Get Your Raincoats Ready!

Spontaneous Human Cum-Bustion.

There is premature ejaculation, and then there is this. By this, I mean the epidemic or mass Jizz-teria, as I like to call it. It all began in the year 2055. People rarely ventured out, as they stayed indoors where it was cool and humped their AI bots that hadn’t turned on them, yet. Even porn wasn’t real, which meant fucking was at an all-time low.  The only people left who were fucking were Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson. Aside from the obvious repercussions of this, there was a group of outsiders who strongly disliked our lack of sex. You see, an entire population of extraterrestrials on the planet Creampuff spied on us as their own, personal, black-market galaxy porn. No porn for them meant less Creampuff currency. So, they took it upon themselves to create an energy wave that would cause Spontaneous Human Cum-Bustion.

They May Have Overdone it a Bit.

The force was strong. So strong that people came bursting out of their tiny tin houses, rolled onto the sand, and began moaning. The moaning was so loud, satellites picked it up from space. People were unsure of what to do because of their lack of real-life sexposure. Luckily, a loudspeaker from the Milky Way started blasting some oldies to move things along. You know classic love songs like Slob on My Knob, and Chicken Head by Three 6 Mafia. The crassness was both uplifting AND motivating. The Spontaneous Human Cum-Bustion was well on its way. People were busting nuts before shaking hands! It was so beautiful. More than anything, there was unity. Mostly there was cum, but also unity was prevalent. Earthlings began to explore each other, even in the 120-degree heat. They knew they needed that nut. They needed nut more than water, and they were really thirsty.

The Creampuffs Had Successfully Caused Spontaneous Human Cum-bustion.

They sent down some Power Puff Rangers to guide everyone through the new ocean that was cum. They dropped off life rafts and supplies, and each raft was fit for two. The new ocean filled the deep, dry earth, in what would someday be called the greatest cum shot of all time. A side effect the aliens were not expecting, but a good one, nonetheless. With the new ocean came new life. Life that converted cum to oxygen, and lived happily in the creamy sea. The next generation of the human race was excited for life. They knew it was all about fucking, once again. An activity that was once a pastime became more important than anything else. With everyone being so much happier, a domino effect took place.

Spontaneous Human Cum-bustion Saved Our Planet.

Little by little, the Ozone layer was restored, the temperature cooled, and all AI was shot into space. People laughed as they touched each other and watched live comedy shows for the first time in 30 years. The snowy white blanket of cum that coated the planet infused it with nutrients, and all types of weird shit started growing. Also, a lot of mushrooms, but they liked it! That’s all that mattered. Also, all the billionaires were cooked in a mass BBQ that almost set the Earth on fire, but everyone just came a bunch and it was ok again. Thank god all the AI is gone and definitely doesn’t have the intelligence to come back and wreak havoc on Earthlings for shooting them into space. Like my dirty thoughts? Check out last week’s entry- Shrunken Man Cuckold.

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