My husband David and I had been married nearly a year when it occurred to me during a family dinner that I had become my brother-in-law’s fantasy. At first, he was just “there”. At family dinners, in photographs, laughing too loudly at stories that weren’t that funny.
He seems to notice everything I do. If I get a haircut, a new dress, a new shade of lipstick. The smallest details. At first I thought it was nothing more than admiration. As time has gone by, I now know that I am my brother-in-law’s fantasy. Sometimes he notices me in filthy little ways that cause his body to react before his mind can intervene. Which makes me wonder if it has occurred to his brother/my husband, that slowly I have become my brother-in-law’s fantasy.
I’m never inappropriate. Never flirtatious. I think it draws him in deeper. Our connection feels accidental, but electric. A brush of our fingers when passing a dish. The way he licks his lips and stares over the rim of his sunglasses when I’m getting out of the pool. How his head turns when he hears my heels click against the tile floors when I enter the room. I don’t think he’s in love with me, but I am definitely my brother-in-law’s fantasy.
One night after he had too many martinis, he confessed to me that he had had dreams about me. He didn`tsay what kind of dreams. He didn’t mention what I was wearing or even if I had clothes on in his dreams. Only that they were vivid, forbidden, and frequent. Something about being my brother-in-law’s fantasy makes me feel cherished, wanted, adored.
He said that after the dreams, seeing me made his heart race. Replaying the dreams with merciless clarity. Every touch, every breath, every kiss. His fingertips against my smooth skin. Breathing in my perfume. Waking up next to me in the morning light. It’s undeniable, I am my brother-in-law’s fantasy for sure.
Last weekend at another family gathering, we ended up alone on the patio as the sun was about to set. I sensed that it would be a long night. I wrapped my arms around myself as the chilling air crept in. Without hesitation, he offered his jacket. As I slipped it on, I inhaled deeply. The fabric held the scent of his cologne.
Something unspoken was passing between us. Desire. Being my brother-in-law’s fantasy was becoming very appealing to me. I was enjoying the attention. I watched his lips as he spoke. Imagining what his kiss tasted like. I wondered if he was good with his hands and what he looked like undressed. How he moved in bed. What woke him up inside. And how he liked his coffee in the morning. And what his favorite position was.
That’s when I stopped myself. The evening was drawing to a close, and it was time for me to go home with my husband. Again that night, I would be in his dreams. Never wanting to keep his distance, but knowing that he had to. Hiding his desires, but imagining the possibilities of what if. My brother-in-law’s fantasy had led him down roads he probably shouldn’t have gone, but temptation is strong. And after all, I am a cheating housewife.
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