BDE Spring Break: Solving The Energy Crisis One Inch at a Time.

BDE Spring Break.

Although my college days are a thing of the past, it doesn’t mean I’m not always looking for new talent. This is why during this spring break, I decided to gather some intelligence from some local sororities. In addition to getting their input, I talked to some local hotties in their late 20s and 30s to determine how we can all catch a BIG one. If it’s important enough to get a D with a capital B, then it takes some hard work. But, I’m here to tell all you ladies…and fellas, some key points to achieving such a large goal. So sit down relax, and open your eyes, ears, and legs to the discoveries of my BDE Spring Break.

We Went Old School, Analog For This Job.

Of course, there are ways to find that big ol’ thang without lifting more than a finger. However, I’m a firm believer in learning a trade and always knowing what to look for. Nonetheless, If you need to get straight to the chase you can check out sites like 7orbetter.com- “Where Size Does Matter.” Once you’re there you’ll be sure to skip out on any surprise pigs in a blanket at the party.  You’ll be going straight to the bratwurst. With the internet aside, this is what my sorority girls had to say about their own BDE Spring Break. “It’s never the clowns at the party, the ones who need all the attention.” -Local college slut. When I asked her to expound on these details, she thought it would be best for me to just come to a party and find out for myself.

So My BDE Spring Break Officially Began.

I walked into the party, ready to spin the Wheel Of Fornication.  Surrounded by jocks, frat boys, emo guys, nerds, metal guys, hip-hop guys (these guys all passed the BDE test) tech guys, and just regular dudes! And a few cowboys to boot. My ditzy side-kick began to point her finger around the room, No, no, no, no, yes, no, no.” “Wait, who was a yes?” I asked in excitement. She went a little further in saying “It’s always the ones that don’t have to prove anything. Except, you know, half the football team and three-quarters of the basketball team.” There he was, just being friendly and confident with a good fucking attitude on life. She looked at me and said, “When you’ve got a big hard dick, nothing else can really get you down!”

And There it Was, the New Golden Rule.

My BDE Spring Break was off to a fabulous start, but It was time to take this test outside of college perimeters. My new teste bestie (trademark pending) and I stopped by a local bar. As soon as we walked in there were a few d-bags fighting and making a ruckus. Breaking glasses and spilling drinks, it was clear this was a big dick contest no one was going to win. Then we saw HIM. He got up and asked us if we wanted his seat. “It’s a little safer over here, and I’m about to take off.” I looked at my girl and said “He’s going to take something off.” So we offered to walk him…to the back of my TB’s sorority van. And just like that, I can proudly say I’ve begun my part in solving the Big Dick Energy Crisis. 

Ready for your BDE Spring Break?

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