Do you crave something a little different when watching porn? Do you have a burning desire that can only be extinguished by the twinkle of your Tinder date? Is this something you have always known about yourself since your “coming online” sexually as an adult or was it more of a happy accident? Maybe your girlfriend warned “I have to go,” and you said, “I’m almost there.” A tale as old as time. Except, for whatever reason, this one time in particular, she couldn’t wait. She had to go! “Now that she’s back in the atmosphere, with drops of Jupiter in her h-h-hairrrrrr.” It did, it went everywhere. But maybe, you fucking loved it. You did, didn’t you? That’s because you’re a pervert, and it’s ok. You just have a craving for the mellow yellow and I’m here to appease your Water Sports Fetish, honey.
Can you even look at a jar of it without thinking about that golden hue? Does it transport you to back when she stood over your face and recreated a waterfall flowing down your forehead, and shooting off the bridge of your nose? Or is this something you’ve only dreamed of? Maybe it happened to you by accident at first, and now you want it on purpose. If you have a Water Sports Fetish, maybe you should just say so! You could start, technically, around water! A safe clean space (like a shower, wink wink,) where everything eventually disappears and there is soap nearby. How lovely! Close to a beach? The ocean expects you or your loved one to go in it, so go nuts.
What if it wasn’t just you and your partner wanting to expel your glory juice together? What if nature called and it wanted a party with a capital P? I think yes. I think the number one (lol) rule should be nobody talks about the party with a capital P. If you’re in it, you’re in it, so get to it and pay that water bill. This is obviously an outdoor event, so wear sunscreen, and pretty much nothing else. Make sure that sunscreen is waterproof, because…well, because of the drops of Jupiter like I said earlier. Most importantly, bring that positive mental attitude. You’ll need it when you see a few people (partying) you wish you didn’t. But hey, that’s ok. Maybe you’re just on your way to developing another fetish.
This Fetish isn’t something you can just hold in. You need to let go. Let go. Shhhhhhhhhhhh. Feel better? If you don’t, you can. Imagine talking to a woman who can guide you through your fetish and show you how to be the best you possible, you goddamn freak! It’s time to live! If you don’t have a significant other, go find that last Summer fling and get to it! Life is too short to be drinking squirt soda by yourself.
Do you want to figure out your water sports fetish with me?
If so, be sure to…
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