Who needs all the garbage capitalist days during fall and winter? Aren’t these supposed to be vacation days? Aren’t the holidays supposed to be about love, gathering, food, and getting shit-faced with your ex from college? No, that wasn’t a typo! If you have ever gone home for a big holiday, you know the evening before can get wild. Specifically, the day before good ole’ turkey day! After you look through a few photo albums and raid the fridge, you can get a little stir crazy not being in your cozy apartment in the big city with all of your SHIT. Eventually, you decide to get up, head out to your old watering hole, to maybe see some familiar faces. And you most certainly do. This is the night before Thanksgiving. This is Blackout Wednesday Night.
It’s never an hour. It’s just something that is said to lie to yourself about the terrible decision-making that is about to happen while simultaneously. putting the party planner/ Turkeyzilla/ kitchen mob boss at ease. You know, tomorrow you will already be getting yelled at for offering to help incorrectly. So you will go out for a “few.” In reality, of course, you’ll come home at dawn…maybe. Blackout Wednesday night is almost a free pass. You can’t really show up to many other important dinners so extensively hungover. The only thing that would come close is a wedding. Although then, everyone is in it together, and the chaos distracts from all EYES ON YOU.
As soon as you swing the door open to the bar, you know you’re fucked. Fucked in a bad way at first. This is too nerve-racking. You see so many familiar faces. Oh God. Are you going to have to talk about your career? It’s definitely time for a drink. Make it a double! The bartender recognises you from the camp you attended twenty years ago. It’s time for shot number one. By shot number three, the ex from less than a decade ago, sits right nex-ta-ya! It’s too late to bury yourself in your phone. You already did that for the first twenty-seven minutes when you arrived, when you slammed your gun and tonic….twice.
God, he’s hot. You purposefully unfollowed all of his accounts. You didn’t block, though; that’s too hostile. Hmm, not making your profile private could have led to him cyber stalking you since the last time you made this mistake. This mistake is definitely happening again. Right? Isn’t it? But fuck it, right? Or maybe he’s moved on. He just touched your thigh. You’re in. Maybe you should slow down on the drinking. That would be wise. You can have your turkey and eat it too! Get the D and don’t piss off the chef. Right? Who the fuck are you kidding? Have your own pre-turkey plans? Make sure to check out last week’s entry, Freaky Foot Play. And there is more where that came from. Like I always say, the possibilities are endless!
Curious what happens with the ex?
Planning your own Blackout Wednesday Night?
If so, be sure to…
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Zoey and I have talked a handful of times, and it was a blast right from the jump. She quickly became one of my favorite queens. 5-star for sure.
