Sexual Survival Guide 101: An Insiders Look on Eating Pussy.

Helping your sex life one tip at a time.

 

Welcome to my sexual survival guide! This will be the first in its series, and you’ve got the first look! Eating pussy, is just as important as knowing how to give a mind-blowing blowjob. So, men, let me ask you… How shitty is it when your balls are all bunched up, and your dick is harder than a boulder over some sexy little slut, and finally you get her stripped down and on her knees, to find out her head game is weak? There can’t be a more blue-ball moment than this. Ok, maybe a girl who lays stick stiff while you fuck her has got to be worse, but still.

Either way, the point is that it fucking sucks. It’s an easy task when you know how to do it correctly, but most don’t. Now I’m really looking at you, men… Out of the 96% of you who think, believe, swear, and “have proven” you can really eat pussy, only about 40% can. Sad, isn’t it? I’ll let that sink in. in addition, this number is reduced when we consider the 63% of men who refuse to even go down on a woman –That’s statistics, babe.

In defense of you non-pussy-eating men out there; a sexual survival guide tip for women is to wash your fucking pussies! If you don’t, guess what? No one is licking that kitty cat! I’m sorry, but the last thing someone want’s to slurp up is some rancid vajayjay. Regardless of the small percentage of women who don’t keep it tidy downstairs, it does not give you men the excuse to not do your job right. Take your time and do it right; that’s what I always say. Stop flicking your tongue a million miles per second; it does nothing.

My sexual survival guide is your new tool!

Alright, alright, I’ll shut up. I’ll get to it; How to eat some coochie: like a professional muscular male escort! Firstly, I’m going back to my previous statement, we don’t like tongue-flicking. This also extends to the “tongue fucking” if we wanted to be penetrated by some tiny mass of skin, we probably wouldn’t even be with you. There’s a reason we love being dick down by your significantly larger-sized cock vs. your small-ass tongue, no matter how long it is. Secondly, when you go down on us, pretend that you’re making out with our mouths.

You realize that during a makeout, “MOST PEOPLE” do not flick their tongue or jab it down your throat over and over; it simply does not feel good. Go slowly, and don’t oversaturate the area with your saliva. Go in smoothly and softly; pre-play the area around the pussy lips, such as breathing, kissing and licking it to tease us before getting to the good part. Sexual survival guide main tip: DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT make out with the penetration portion of our pussies. Again, this does nothing; that area is strictly for penetration.

See, what you want to do is make out at the upper middle portion of a woman’s slit. You can choose to finger her or not; you should really ask if she favors this because many women don’t care too much for it. If you do, again, go softly, and reduce the aggression. Seriously, if she wanted to fuck something short and stubby/long and skinny, she probably wouldn’t even be with you. It’s not mean or harsh; it’s just the damn truth, babe. Yeah, Ok; you may get the money to keep her, but she’d be somewhere else on any other account!

Sexual survival guide law: It’s all about the details…

Now, guys, the biggest tip is to focus on where her clit is, don’t try too hard. Use your lips more than your tongue, and every now and again, “suck in” as if you’re a sucker fish on the surface of a glass fish tank; your girl will go fucking wild! Keep in mind that when I say this, I don’t mean just like one ungraceful “suck in,” and that’s it, oh no, no. Keep sucking on it with an open and slightly closed mouth movement. Does that make sense?

I’ll go ahead and answer myself: no. It obviously doesn’t. Ok, basically, make the sound “ohm ohm ohm,” Emphasize the O and M. Slightly stick your tongue out every now and again, but not too much. You don’t want to “overstimulate” the clit. It really just does not feel good. And there ya have it. It’s as simple as that! Your sexual survival guide is here to save the day. You’re welcome! Come back for more insider tips on my next blog’s sexual survival guide.

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