I Found My Cousin’s GAY SEX DOLL During The Easter Egg Hunt

The last thing I expected to find at my conservative Catholic family’s house was a gay sex doll.

 

Then again, part of me couldn’t help but not be surprised my youngest cousin was the kind of closeted pervert that WOULD keep a gay sex doll soaking in his bathroom upstairs. What a freak. Anyway, my Easter started off wholesomely enough: I made “resurrection rolls” and my girlfriend made deviled eggs to bring to the table. It was her first time meeting my family and she brought her mostly grown-up kids as well.

My girlfriend’s style of parenting is pretty “alternative” compared to most people, especially my beyond G-rated Aunt and Uncle we were visiting today. Being the devout Catholics they are, aunt and uncle had 5 kids. I’d almost always had trouble remembering the youngest’s name, but NOT after today’s gay sex doll discovery.

I took a break from our sunny early supper to use the restroom but had to find the upstairs facilities since the ground-floor toilet was occupied.

Little did I know the upstairs toilet, too, was occupied: by a crossdressed, Easter-themed gay sex doll. I had just been congratulating myself (in my head) for successfully remembering the youngest boy’s name. He was 19 this year and seemed enough like a well-behaved all-American heterosexual dullard to the naked eye. At the top of the stairs, I genuinely couldn’t remember which room was the bathroom so I started trying doors. Maybe there wasn’t a bathroom up here? Maybe I’d misremembered? I realized there was a full bathroom attached to the messiest room of all: clearly the ungodly lair of a teenage boy. Ugh. Is there anything more disgusting?

Well, I don’t know if I’d say the gay sex doll I found in the tub was disgusting, but it was certainly jarring.

I gasped out loud, at first thinking this bizarrely half-clad life-sized humanoid thing was a dead body or something. What the actual fuck? However, I slowly realized this wasn’t a real person at all: it was a gay sex doll. Wow. Was my cousin a closeted faggot? And why had he dressed it in an alien mask? Why had he put a wig on this thing? And today, apparently, bunny ears? Did he think crossdressing an OBVIOUSLY male doll would make him less gay? Ha. I guess denial is the first stage of grief, even for closet queens!

Years of humiliation phone sex may have somewhat prepared me for this ludicrous, fag-tastic bathtub surprise. I looked down into the (still warm) water. And I saw it was made of that hyperrealistic silicon. And then there was its HUGE cock. Wow. I didn’t know a gay sex doll could HAVE a cock that big. But there it was, almost popping up through the surface of the VERY full bathtub. I didn’t know whether to scream or burst out laughing.

I decided to take a quick picture (gay sex doll evidence) and decide how to deal with this later.

Did I confront my perverted, closeted faggot cousin over dinner? Or wait until dessert? Find out next time . . . or give me a call now. I’m right here, waiting to talk to you!

Call Aileen 1-888-792-6198